How I Met Your Mother Something New

How I Met Your Mother Something New

HIMYM

How I Met Your Mother
CBS
May 13, 2013

So this is the season finale, but not the series finale (as I was under the impression for this whole season that it would be). Instead, we get season 9 starting this fall, which the creators promise really will finish up their tale. So for tonight: Marshall and Lily may or may not move to Rome! Ted may or may not move to Chicago! Robin and Barney may or may not have done a good deed!

While packing for Rome, Lily accidentally tells Marshall’s mother for the first time that they’re moving to Italy. Not surprisingly, Mrs. Erikson is hysterical about this fact, so Marshall takes Marvin and goes to Minnesota (so many capital Ms in that sentence…) to visit her before they leave. Lily is happy for the time alone, at first, until she realizes that she really has nothing to do. So she decides to spend the time with Ted. He’s going to his house (which he bought several seasons ago) to take care of a few things.

When they arrive at the house, Lily soon discovers that Ted plans to sell the house and move to Chicago the day after the wedding. He’s happy for Barney and Robin, and he wants them to have a successful marriage, but part of him still wants to be with Robin himself. So he cannot stand the idea of living in New York, feeling that way about his best friend’s fiancée. He tells Lily about the locket incident from last week and she reveals that years ago, when Ted was about to marry another girl named Stella (who left him at the altar), Robin got drunk and had Lily help her dig up the locket. It is in a pencil box, which now sits on Ted’s desk. He decides that it’s the perfect gift, and that he’ll give it to Robin on her wedding day. Knowing that he’s asking to be hurt, Lily encourages him to be careful.

While Lily is with Ted, Marshall is with his family. Earlier in the season, Marshall applied for a judgeship. Now, with the worst of timing, he receives the call to be told that a place has opened on the bar and he’s been accepted. He’s told in no uncertain terms that he cannot take the judgeship and go to Italy at the same time. Now he has a choice: be apart from Lily for a year, give up his dream, or ask her to give up hers. When the episode ends, he has not told her this turn of events.

Finally, Robin and Barney have gone out to celebrate their upcoming wedding. They encounter a couple who annoy them deeply, and they decide to play a trick on them. Robin has a champagne glass sent over with a ring in it. Naturally, since the man is not actually proposing, this sparks a big fight between the couple. Outside, they smoke cigars to their victory and their future, only for the couple to approach them. Their fight got them thinking, and they decided to get married for real. Barney and Robin reflect on the marriage that they inadvertently created and the fact that in less than a week, they’ll be legen—wait for it…married.

Their pun, not mine.

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How I Met Your Mother Something Old

How I Met Your Mother Something Old

HIMYM

How I Met Your Mother
CBS
May 6, 2013

When Robin was younger, her father took her on a trip to New York City. During that trip, she decided that she would move there, someday. She buried a locket in Central Park, vowing that she would come back to dig it up, someday. She would wear it at her wedding as her Something Old, when she was in love with a big city man and a city girl herself.

In the present, she takes her father back to that place, thinking that they could dig up her locket together, and bond over the experience. Her father, however, has plans to play laser tag with Barney that day and if she doesn’t need his help, he would rather go do that. Although she’s hurt, she tells him to go have fun and gets to digging herself.

I’m not going to count Barney’s laser tag game with Robin’s father because that’s really all they do for this whole episode. Play laser tag. I kind of wish they hadn’t taken camera time to show it, because the rest of the episode was actually really good.

While Robin searches for her locket, Lily and Marshall are packing up their apartment in preparation for their yearlong trip to Italy. Because they obviously cannot pack everything, they have to sort through their belongings and decide what they’re taking with them and what they’re leaving behind for the trash. Since they’re both biased and want to take their own belongings, they call Ted in to be their judge. He has a very reasonable system: If you haven’t used something in a year, toss it.

At first, his system seems to be working very well. They’re making good progress on sorting through the accumulation of life’s clutter. Then Lily finds an old beanbag chair, which she thinks is an obvious toss. It’s in terrible condition. Marshall agrees with her, but Ted insists that they take the chair with them. He’s quite firm on his stance, to the point where they send him on an errand just to make time to throw the chair out. Ted arrives back just in time and stubbornly sits down on the thing on the street, vowing not to move until they change their mind – even at the expense of a job interview.

Finally, he admits that he doesn’t want them to throw out the chair because he’s afraid that, with them moving to Italy, their friendship won’t pass the have-you-used-it-in-a-year test. They tell him not to be silly – he’s a person, not a ratty beanbag chair. But he says that this is not just any chair, it was the first piece of furniture they bought when they moved into the apartment right after college. If they can throw away a chair with that many memories, what’s to stop them from throwing him out too?

Finally, they convince him to give up and go to his job interview. Just as he’s getting into the cab, he gets a call from Robin. She says it’s nothing big, but he knows her better than that. He arrives at Central Park to find her covered in dirt surrounded by many, many holes that she’s dug. He knows the difference between When she’s really okay and when she’s faking it, being her best friend and all. She explains that she’s been having second thoughts about marrying Barney and she thought that finding the locket would be a sign that she’s doing the right thing. When she finds the box but the locket is missing from inside, Ted has to tell her to pull it together and stop looking for signs. She’s still nervous, but she doesn’t argue with him as the show ends.

Oh yeah, in the end, Ted does give Marshall and Lily permission to get rid of the chair.

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How I Met Your Mother The Bro Mitzvah

How I Met Your Mother The Bro Mitzvah

HIMYM

How I Met Your Mother
CBS
April 29, 2013

This was a…really strange episode. Two thirds of the way through it, I had no idea what was going on. Future Ted introduces the episode as basically the night that Barney ruined his life. It start with Robin about to go to dinner with Barney and his mother. He just needs to make a quick stop and then he’ll be by her side, being supportive as she deals with his weirdly clingy mom. Instead, he’s kidnapped by none other than…Ted and Marshall! They’re off to give Barney the bachelor party of his dreams, right according to his specifications! Sort of…

They don’t take him to Atlantic City, because he has a gambling problem. Instead, they take him to a seedy hotel outside of Atlantic City where they plan to play a drinking game to Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth. He wanted a naked magician, they invite a balloon-contorting clown. He wanted a stripper, they hire Quinn, Barney’s ex-fiancée. She won’t strip for him, due to their history, so he gets locked in the bathroom. Lily brings the star of The Karate Kid, but it’s Ralph Machio and Barney is weird and roots for the blonde kid whose name I don’t know instead. Amid all this, Robin keeps calling to yell at him for not being there with him and complain about how the dinner is proceeding.

Finally giving up on getting a good party, Barney decides that he wants to go back and rescue Robin after all. On the way, though, Ralph Machio goad Barney into going to Atlantic City instead, where he plays a very complicated Chinese game from the episode where he got Marshall out of town and Lily had their baby. He loses. Badly. Then he takes out a line of credit and uses Marshall as collateral and loses again. He doesn’t tell Lily about that fact until they’re in the car and pulling up in front of the restaurant where Robin is waiting. When she sees Quinn get out of the car, she realizes that Quinn was the stripper, calls off the wedding, and storms away.

Future Ted explains that none of this really happened. It was all an elaborate ruse to give Barney the worst night of his life so that he would better appreciate their bachelor party, since he has so little faith in them.

Just then, a car pulls up with Marshall and a bunch of Chinese men. They tell him that if he doesn’t return the $80,000 he owes them, they’ll kill Marshall. He rushes upstairs to get the money, only for everyone to jump out and yell SURPRISE! It’s like watching Punk’d or something. Is that show even still a thing? I don’t even know… Either way, Barney soon unravels the mystery of his terrible night and is very impressed by all the trouble Robin went to. He couldn’t be happier and the wedding continues as planned.

Oh yeah. And the clown they hired was actually the blonde kid from The Karate Kid in disguise. Go figure!

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