Guys With Kids Christmas
Guys with Kids
December 5, 2012
Guys With Kids Christmas – This episode starts with Marny passed out on the couch, the apartment is, what my grandma would have called, a T Total Mess. Marny comes to and rubs her while calling to Gary. Gary pulls himself up from the kitchen floor and says he hurts everywhere and then informs Marny that he passed out on the kitchen floor and used the rotisserie chicken for a pillow. Marny stumbles over to Gary asking what they did. The last thing Gary can remember is trying to climb the Christmas tree. When the tree fell over he attempted to ride it like a bull. He turns the faucet on and starts lapping the water like a dog. Marny tells Gary that she thinks she’s going to die. Gary asks “Where are our children?”. Marny is “pretty sure” they left them with Nick and Emily. “Oh come on, baby, these are things we should know”, Gary decides. She remembers going over there to pick the kids up the night before and Nick and Emily offered to keep the kids. Marny just hopes that they didn’t do anything to embarrass themselves. There’s a pounding on the door. Nick and Emily, obviously, upset come in with Gary & Marny’s boys. “Here are your children”, Nick states. Emily, with a more unique return, “Here is your bra”. Marny grasps her boobs and takes the bra. The shoves it down the front of her top. Gary offers Nick and Emily coffee. “After what happened last night? We are so not talking to you!”….Emily doesn’t think so! One of Gary & Marny’s (unfortunately named) children calls from their bedroom “AWESOME!!! Somebody threw up in my bed!”.
A Week Before Marny Lost Her Bra
Gary is anxiously awaiting Nick and Emily to arrive at their apartment because they’re bringing cheese and he’s having a hard time handling the madness of only having cheese. Chris informs him that they’re taking their Christmas card photo and should be there after. Gary, Marny, and Chris all do little fun jabs at how over the top Nick & Emily always make their Christmas cards…just too cute and Marny doesn’t believe they can top the prior Christmas card which was the family dressed as reindeer pulling Santa’s sleigh with the caption “It’s Raining Deer, Hallelujah! It’s Raining Deer” (Get it? “Raining Deer”…reindeer…oh stop!). But wait…enter Nick, Emily and their children wearing Charles Dickens style of clothes, dressed as carolers. Nick points out that the rumor that he can’t pull off wearing green velvet can be put to rest.
Photo Courtesy Of http://www.nbc.com/guys-with-kids/photos/christmas/12229/
Sheila comes in right behind them apologizing for being late…she was finishing up her shopping. Shopping? Nick is surprised. He figured she just stole all of her gifts from Whoville. She asks Nick if he is a pimp, a leprechaun or both. Sheila sits beside Chris to take little Ernie. As he hands the baby over he asks “Do you remember what we got each other last year?”. She does, it was a divorce. Nick sets the stage and asks Chris to “tell it again”. He’s as excited to hear the telling of the divorce story as a little one is to hear The Night Before Christmas. Nick sets the stage:
“They had just had a baby, hoping it would repair their marriage…it didn’t. Aaannnddd go!”
Nick plops himself down on a comfortable chair and curls up under a blanket.
Chris remembers like it was yesterday. He and Sheila were getting ready for his company Christmas party and Sheila hated his tie…”grinding my spirit down to a fine powder”.
Nick, still feeling like an excited child, pipes in “…and then Sheila said?”.
Sheila joins in: “If that’s the way you feel…”, Nick interrupts saying he does a better Sheila than Sheila. He uses his best demonic voice, “If that’s the way you feel, then maybe we just shouldn’t be together”. Nick tells Chris and Sheila that their divorce was the best gift of all time.
We find out that last Christmas, for Emily’s gift, Nick made Emily’s a scrapbook out of mementos he had collected from every date that they had been on. Emily says Nick is romantic…Gary says Nick is desperate. Nick tells Gary not to look too deeply into his eyes because he might just fall in love. Marny says that she and Gary have gone all out for Christmas this year. The two have gotten a new dishwasher. They two are VERY excited and want to show it off. They love how quiet it is. Emily isn’t pleased because the gift isn’t romantic. The couple be to differ. But Emily, for the couples Christmas gift, is going to spice up Gary & Marney’s marriage. But the two are happy.
Sheila enters Chris’ apartment and says “Good, the idiot isn’t here”. Nick comes out from the back and says “Oh yes he is!”. Sheila says that she’s been thinking it’s wrong for her to keep the engagement ring. Chris says she should keep it. “I gave this to you as a symbol of my undying love, which died” and hands the ring back to her. She tries to hand it back saying he knows she always wins but he says no. She walks to the door and yells “Think fast” and throws the ring at Chris and leaves.
Nick & Emily with their kids go to the park and see Marny and Gary with their kids. Marny tells them that they had a bit of a date the previous night. They sat in bed and read to each other. The only thing is, what they read wasn’t romantic poetry…the read the instruction manual for their new dishwasher from cover-to-cover. “You’re right honey,”, Nick says to Emily, “their marriage has stalled”. Emily tells them that they’re turning into her parents. Marny tells Emily that they’re not in a rut and that they do go on dates. When asked what dates, they went to a home supply store and had a hot dog combo outside, they took in some jazz music in the pediatrician’s office. Emily says she’s an expert at planning dates and wants to plan a date for them. She’ll leave them alone if they’ll let her do this. The two concede.
Sheila is cranking, and cranking, and cranking a Jack-In-Box for adorable little Ernie…it’s taking forever for Jack to be out of the box and Ernie’s expressions are just far too cute! He’s looks like I would imagine Alfred Hitchcock looked as a child. His expressions are that of an old soul. When Jack finally makes his debut, the boxed engagement ring is attached to his head. Sheila tells Ernie “Once again your father has chosen the wrong person to engage”. The next few cuts are with music and show creative (and to me, flirty) ways that Chris and Sheila try to give the other the engagement ring: Chris gets in his mail and finds a package labeled “Urgent”. The ring is in the package. Sheila pours a bowl of cereal and the ring comes out of the box. Chris is pushing Ernie in the swing and dog brings him a frisbee. Chris throws the frisbee. When the dog returns, he has the ring in his mouth. Sheila gets a box containing a Russian doll. I’m thinking that ring box can’t fit in there but we’re watching her take the dolls down from one size, to the next, the next, etc. She gets to the final tiny doll and she looks at it. Chris rounds the corner behind her and yells “Hey”. Sheila turns around and he tosses her the ring box and leaves.
Gary & Marny are on their date set up by Emily…a horse drawn carriage…Nick and Emily’s favorite date. Gary offers to pour Marny some wine but in the bumping of the buggy, it spills. Gary and Marny are NOT enjoying this. They’re cold, wet and the horse smells. They want to go and find out if their new dishwasher gets spaghetti stains out of their Tupperware. Gary points out that Nick and Emily have the kids, they should “tear it up” like they used to. Go to bars. Marny asks if he wants to do cleavage body shots. Gary isn’t sure he still has the boobs for it but yeah, they can give it shot! Instead of asking the driver to stop, Gary tucks and rolls from the buggy. Marny, much smarter, asks the driver to stop.
We see one bar entrance after another and we know Gary and Marny are tying one on.
Gary & Marny, stumbling drunk, show up at Nick and Emily’s to pick up the kids and thank the two for keeping the kids. Marny takes off her bra because it’s driving her crazy and hangs it on the Christmas tree. Nick points out that part of the tree was too kid friendly anyway and they offer to keep the kids for the night. Gary thanks them and says that he and Marny are going to have sex. Emily is proud to take credit for a fun night…because of the carriage ride setting the mood. Like most drunks, Gary and Marny don’t know how to keep their mouths shut and stop talking. They tell Nick and Emily what a horrible time they had on the buggy ride. Emily is surprised..and hurt. It was a “Nemily” date (Nick + Emily) they’re informed…and are then informed that they all call them that. Gary tells the couple that they try too hard and let them in on a little secret….sometimes they’re too cute and everybody thinks it’s ridiculous. Emily asks who everybody is. Nick tells her not to worry because Gary & Marny are drunk. Gary informs them that he doesn’t get drunk, he gets awesome. Marny says that SHE IS drunk and tells the couple she loves them. They leave and Nick says that they were the rudest carolers of all time.
We now pick up where the episode started…the kids being returned home. Marny tries to apologize but Emily won’t hear of it. Gary attempts it again by saying “Emily”…but gets interrupted; “Don’t you mean, Nemily?”. The boys come out and say that Nick promised them that their dad would take them on roller coasters Gary ATTEMPTS to bow out but is SHOUTED at (lucky for these kids, they aren’t mine) “HE PROMISED”.
Nick and Emily go to Chris’ apartment. Chris is sitting down and eating a bowl of cereal. They burst in and ask if he calls them Nemily, if he thinks they’re ridiculously cute, does he think they’re annoying. All Chris manages to get out before the next question is thrust upon him is “uhhhhhhhh”. “Oh come on”, Emily states and storms out. “Thank you, you’ve said enough”, Nick says and turns and leaves. Chris is still sitting there with a spoonful of cereal half way to his mouth and saying “uhhhhhh”….and then gives up.
Emily is killing applies by stabbing them with sticks for caramel apples as she vents about people finding them silly. Nick removes the “stabby things” from her hands before he talks to her. He actually doesn’t enjoy the carriage rides. Guess what? She doesn’t either. They both were doing it just because they thought the other liked it. Emily does it because it’s something her parents never would have done. Her parents are just 2 people sharing the same space and she promised herself she would never have a marriage like theirs. Nick tells her that they’ll never be her parents. They decide that they don’t have to be over-the-top to avoid being her parents.
The gang has met at Chris’ apartment. He offers them wine. Marny threatens to beat Chris to death if she smells wine. Sheila comes in and Chris checks her for the ring. She says she doesn’t have it and is tired of the game. Gary and Marny apologize for everything including calling them Nemily. Sheila is excited thinking they can call them that to their face no. Marny thinks they’re a great couple and romantic. Emily admits that they need to “calm the hell down” and they aren’t upset. She apologizes for saying Gary & Marny were in a rut. Marny says it was fine…they at least got out of the house. Sheila smiles at Chris as he cuts into a fresh baked loaf of bread…the ring is baked in the bread! She giggles when he hits it and runs out. Chris follows her and they have a discussion about the ring. We find out that Sheila feels guilty about keeping it because it symbolizes their divorce and she realizes it was her fault and it’s a reminder. She says she knows she isn’t easy to get along with and she apologizes. It’s as nice as we’ve ever seen her. Chris points out that they games they’ve been playing with the ring is as much fun as they’ve had in a long time and he wants her to have it. He hands it back to her. She thanks him for letting her keep the $45,000 ring and the elevator doors close. “That’s what I told you”, Chris says when she can’t hear him.
The show ends with Nick, Emily and their kids enjoying a hot dog combo outside of the home supply store.